Stand By Me

Hi Everyone! Bridget here attempting my first post on the blog. It's all new to me, the blog, the tumor, the journey! So here goes...

You know when something major happens and it just sends you reeling? It seems there is no time - just space - and you have major flashbacks...sometimes to your early childhood. Well, sit back as we go back in time a bit...so much can happen so fast and maybe this is why our minds work this way to somehow try to process the information at hand. I think our mind wonders and wants to figure out the series of events that could lead to such a diagnosis.

Back in college, Tommy & I decided to join the Sailing Club. (just so you know his whole family calls him Tommy - it's not just a wife thing. Many times at work someone will say "Tom" and I will wonder who that is - For me that's the work name). Really neither of us know anything about sailing even though I come from a family of Irish Sailors...the McCormicks. My Mom's side of the family (her brothers and now the next generation) are big into sailing...all I remember from this childhood experience is "duck, here comes the boom!" But for whatever reason, we joined the Sailing Club and a fleet of six sailboats set out from Florida to Bimini - the closest and smallest Bahama island. We set out at 3 pm and sailed through the night. My mom's advice before leaving was to stay on the deck as long as I could and help navigate to avoid being seasick. She was right. I was the last one up there as we sailed in the dark and the rains were pouring down. Finally, the captain asked that I hold the wheel while he went under to get his rain gear. I couldn't believe what I was doing!

When morning came and we settled our sailboat into the calm tropical bay I realized why we did this. The dazzling deep tropical blue water was so clear! You could see to the bottom. I couldn't wait to go swimming and experience the islands! We went diving later that day. Tommy was already Scuba Certified as were a few others on our boat (there were six of us total on the boat - including our Captain-Chic Perger, the best of the fleet). I was just happy snorkeling along...the sand, sun and tropical fish were so incredibly vibrant. Later that day we went to a new spot and Chic showed us how to hunt for lobster. Tommy loved this and was good at it. I swam above with a netted bag and watched with my snorkel/mask as Tommy would dive down and use the harpoon to get the lobster and then swim up and place it in the bag. It was later that sunny afternoon when those that were Scuba Certified dove down deeper and came up all excited about the sea turtles and grouper, etc. that I thought maybe I am missing something just snorkeling. When we returned back to La Crosse Tommy really encouraged me to get certified. Well, I did, eventually, it was in Marquette, MI. I took the class at NMU (Northern Michigan University). They had a nice pool and a great instructor. Little did I know that I would be doing two open water dives - in December - in Lake Superior to pass the class. Aside from giving childbirth I think this was one of my greatest accomplishments - entering the cold black waters with a wetsuit on as the snow gently came down. The instructor claimed the Lake Superior water temperature varied only slightly between summer and winter there. Of course I had a dive partner - a robust guy who arrived with a Santa hat on. Funny. It was a real "mind game" entering that water, one that I had to conquer, one that prepared me for other dives and other challenges.

I've been a swimmer my whole life. Because we hung out at our Grandpa's lake house in Madison, WI every Sunday as kids - all of the cousins sailing and swimming, fishing, water skiing, etc. I did the lifeguard thing, swimming instructor, etc. However, there is one concept I realized I needed to work on regarding snorkeling/Scuba diving- "Even though you can't see, you can still breath"- every diver needs to remember this - just in case your mask gets kicked off when you're 40 feet under the ocean! Just because your mask comes off, the regulator with O2 keeps working! This really took some thinking and practice. And good thing I did practice because later as Tommy and I did multiple ship wreck dives in the Great Lakes and various other tropical dives I would need to clear my mask at various depths. The trust and communication between Tommy and I as dive partners was incredibly strong. I really believe these diving experiences developed our steadfast companionship and intimate connection. The utmost in respect and communication. He never left my side under the sea and always held my hand - directing me to see the most beautiful exotic life.

So, how does all this have to with me being diagnosed with a brain tumor? As I said, the information came on so quickly. I had these terrible headaches which I was writing off as migraines or something...just trying to treat them on my own with Advil and persevere at work and home. Then when it was intolerable and we went to the ER , and from there to getting a biopsy, to learn the news...I just felt compelled to literally dive out of the hospital and run. I was not going to be a statistic of someone with a malignant brain tumor. I had been thrown a curve ball and it landed in the wrong brain! The truth is, I don't fall into the age group that generally gets this type of tumor...this makes me even more confident that I can beat this. So after shaking the Neurosurgeon's hand and thanking him for doing the biopsy without causing any paralysis we planned a family trip to Discovery Cove - where EVERYONE that arrives puts on a wetsuit and dives in!

Getting launched into this "brain tumor journey" has been a separate journey for each of our family members. Gretchen, Adelyn, Ben, Tommy & I are all on our own personal journeys of discovery and survival as we walk through our daily lives. This is why going to Discovery Cove and entering the same water at the same time was soooooooo healing. It's hard to describe the magic of the water. Discovery Cove may sound commercialized or fake compared to the real ocean, when in fact, once you enter the warm lazy river or the huge salt water lagoon you are lost in the natural immersion. Just take a moment to imagine it. You're floating along buoyantly due to the rubber wetsuit - feeling the soothing water, floating along, enjoying the quietness of being under the water, hearing your breaths in and out and visually taking in the underwater world. After a while you climb up and out a few steps and enter through a castle-like door into a beautiful aviary. There are exotic birds that actually land on you and eat fruit out of the cups that you hold. Next we made our way over to the large Salt Water lagoon. This water is a bit chillier and you really become aware of your presence in God's creation. The neon colors, the way the schools of fish swim in synchronicity, the leopard sea rays below gliding along effortlessly. When I entered this water on April 4th of this year with my family it united us on this journey. I cried and cried salt water tears into my mask as I gave God thanks that I was able to celebrate my birthday with my kids and husband - swimming and walking after having to go through an unplanned biopsy surgery. The scar on my head was mostly healed as I swam around...the salt water and sun felt like salve. The tears kept flowing and finally I took my mask off and connected with Gretchen and Adelyn on a rocky ledge above the vibrant lagoon. They were enjoying it as much as me. It was amazing to all of us how beautiful God's creatures and colors are! This salt water united us as a family on this journey, which is what we needed before Tommy and I had to fly out here to California on Easter Sunday. Kids - I am so proud of how well all of you are doing - Keep up the great work!

As I continued to swim in the saltwater and cry I began praying for all of you who have been standing by me through this experience in prayer. I cried and gave thanksgiving for all of you who have put my name on prayer lists and who have continually prayed daily for me. Words are insufficient to describe my gratitude for this. I am overwhelmed by the immense power of prayer,the peace, the protection and strength I feel. The prayer chains have literally spanned across the world now due to all of your love. This is like the salt water that connects all nations and all of us. We are one and God is good. All is well.From Bimini, to Discovery Cove, to City of Hope...I think I am starting to catch up with what is going on in my life! However, I still have moments when I'm wondering -What am I doing out here? Staying at Hope Village in a little white cottage healing from major brain surgery. Wow. I am still reeling from watching Tommy methodically make flight arrangements for Florida, hotel reservations, car rentals, arranging neighbors and friends to take care of the homestead while we were gone, etc. Then on to the next phase, arranging flights etc again for the California trip, not to mention all of the details in being a patient advocate and caregiver as I healed from the biopsy and needed to make sure I had every pre-op test to clear for surgery once we arrived in California. The logistics are mind boggling! However, for those of you who know Tommy - one of his greatest strengths is perseverance. He doesn't stop until it's done! I have observed him accomplish projects at work and home that are beyond belief - truly the work of 5 men. As they say our strengths can also be our weaknesses. Working this hard really isn't the best approach and I think Tommy will be in a healthier balance now that his journey to City of Hope is underway.

Tommy has been an incredible patient advocate, nurse, steadfast protector and healer on this journey. Our love has exponentially grown during all of this. He claims that I'm the amazing one and I have to say it is he who's the amazing one. Being the caregiver is not easy and he has done it so effortlessly. Tommy has not left my side during this. He even slept in the ICU bed with me at Gundersen! Out here he has attended each and every appointment by my side. He has done the research, made the appointments, attended the appointments, followed up with watching me take each pill. What a husband I have. I am so blessed. I have to say that when we went through "marriage preparation" back in 1988 our wonderful priest and friend instructed us well. First of all, he recognized that we were truly Best Friends prior to lovers. This is huge. Then from his advice we have always taken time to Share (How are you feeling today honey?) Not just Dialogue - (did you get the milk and newspaper?). Ray Runde, you have guided and given Tommy and I the handles to climb this mountain!

I want to thank all of you - you are all caregivers in my mind. Thank you for all of your prayers and support during this six week stint in California. To Grandma and Grandpa, Susie, Peggy, Stuart, Greg who have helped at our home during this time. To the Hartig family for guiding us to Dr. Benham Badie and for your unending prayers & friendship, to Heather for the family photos that are are keeping me going out here visually, to Roncalli Newman and others who have delivered food to our home. To Tommy's brothers Steve and Billy for being here and standing by him during the surgery. To our West Salem community and friends who are getting our kids to and from practices. The list goes on and I am afraid that once you start its like the Academy Awards, you don't want to forget anyone, but you know who you are. All of you are caregivers - and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your love and support.

I will post shorter updates as the weeks go on here at City of Hope. So far my experience here has been indescribable due to multiple miracles happening. I'm thankful Tommy has captured some of them and shared them up until now. The grounds are beautiful and this little cottage is only a few blocks away from all of the appointments/hospital. As far as how I feel - I am doing well and progressing. My incision has pain and I am managing that well. I have been on a drug called Dexamethasone (right from the start - it reduced the brain swelling and relieved the terrible headaches) but makes me very revved up and makes sleeping difficult. It also makes you feel puffy. I am finally weaning off of this (because I don't have a tumor -yea!). I am so thankful that I'm weaning off this and heading into the next phase of radiation with oral chemo. I'm ready to keep the ball rolling with this progressive treatment. I'm also happy that I am contributing to the research of this clinical trial that will hopefully reveal new treatment options for the future. I start radiation therapy on Tuesday and will receive this everyday (with weekends off). My brother, Stuart, is coming out here with all three kids for a visit and I am SO excited for that. I know this will give my recovery a boost. I miss you kids - get out here as soon as you can!

God Bless each and everyone of you and your families and friends! Love and peace to all! Here is a link that shows just as salt water connects the continents, music is universal as well....truly God's gift. http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=2539741


Gratefully yours,
Bridget Mary Hanchette